Monday, January 25, 2010
An Xceptional Man (a message from my brother)
I am 22 years old and in those years I have been an innocent baby, a curious child, a juvenile delinquent, a knucklehead, a stereotypical nigga, a ladies man and a father. I spent 11 years over coming an addiction to weed. I was 11 years old when I started smoking, and 12 when I started drinking. From there it was chasing girls I have broken hearts and can honestly say that I have had my heart broken. I have been on a journey that has brought me to this point. It is my intent that God give me some words of encouragement for anyone who reads this. please leave your comments.
As a young man I harbored resentment in my heart and spirit because my father was never in my life. I saw first hand wat it means to struggle and I blamed him for not stepping up and taking care of his responsibility.So I went in search of male comrodery or acceptance and the only thing that came close to it was hanging out with the knuckleheads smoking and drinkin. Smoking and drinking never took place in my mothers house but a male role model never took place there either. It was among the lost that I learned how males appreciate a woman's beauty; although it was the complete opposite of what my mother taught me about treating women I chose to follow. I labeled women as expendable prey to be stalked and used before they used me. Never allowing myself to get attached enough to have a healthy relationship. As I continued on this path I began to feel the void left by my father grow and I chose to ignore it, but there was something that I decided I would never do; forsake my children.
"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. Jeremiah 1:5" God knew the man that I was to become and even in the grasp of the enemy God kept me safe. I don't regret any step that I have taken to this point for it has made me who I am; An Xceptional Man.
For years I followed the lost and when I noticed the influence I had on others I lead them to the same potholes. Until something happened in my life that changed the world I lived in my son was born. Once he was born it called me back to every point in my life that I had a tough decision to make and I found the easy way out. I promised myself never to forsake my children and this was the moment of truth. I knew what I had to do was not what I wanted to do, but a man does not run when the actions he takes yield their consequences. I have 3 memories of my father in the 22 years I have been alive and I knew that i would not put my children through that. It was then that I knew I wanted to change from a boy to a man.
As a father I have come to understand alot of things. Such as I have no power, none of the decisions I make for myself are beneficial, and being a father makes me and xceptional man (not the other way round). There is a sayin "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quakes like a duck then its a duck. So if your father was a deadbeat or a halfway dad then how are you a better father following the same steps? If you are honest with yourself then you will know that it is not possible. Not even the woman that I had children with was my decision God had a plan and no matter how hard I tried I could not stand in his way. I love my children more than I love myself and I am in love with the idea of us being a family, but as a father I must protect my children from all threats. Even if I love them, even if they are family my children are the most important part of me and their spirit and innocence is the most important part of them. "Sheep bring forth sheep." I can not live a life of sin and shortcomings and expect great things of my children. If I am a typical person then my children will be lead astray, but if I follow God then I am AN XCEPTIONAL MAN and my children will also be xceptional. "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man unclean." Matthew 15:19-20 God is cleaning me and I am becoming an even more Xceptional Man.